“Alice’s Kitchen” (a short play)
Tony: Hey, Alice! When the hell are you going to clean up all this cat hair? Do I have to do all the work around here?
Alice: Tony, I’m worried. Hug me, please. Or make me another espresso. Better still, make it a double!
Tony: I’m so sorry! What’s the matter? Why are you crying?
Alice: I’m not crying. My eyes are just leaking. They’re defective.
Tony: So … out with it, already. What’s wrong?
Alice: Oh, Tony, Tony … I think someone’s following me. :-O
Tony: Alice, don’t worry so much. You’re letting your imagination run wild.
Alice: Hey, Tony, remember that party I went to, where everyone was given a secret identity taped to their back, and they had to guess who they were by asking other people questions?
Tony: Oh, yeah! You were … uh …
Alice: Mother Teresa! I thought that was the funniest thing, since I’m about as far from Mother Teresa as you could get.
Tony: What on earth does this have to do with anything?
Alice: Um … I wanted to ask if you’d mind if we got a baby chimpanzee. Please?
Alice: It’s just that The Amazing Jeannie Larson gets to live in a house full of kangaroos and stuffed animals and she has a cat, but somehow cat hair isn’t a problem at all, and her office is so clean, you wouldn’t believe it! I wonder where the kangaroos go to the bathroom. Hmm …!
Tony: Alice, maybe she has a maid or whatever. We don’t. Are you really crying about not having a chimpanzee?
Alice: No!!! I’m crying, because she’s renaming our state Doogie Howser!!!
Alice: I swear, Tony, if that happens, I’m going to cut myself again with razor blades!
Tony: Alice, stop talking. Now!!!
The above is a work of fiction written and produced by Debbi Mack, as an homage to one of her favorite writers, humorists, directors, etc., the awesome Woody Allen!
Here’s Leon Fleisher’s web site.
And I blogged about his book, way back when …
I learned this while I was gathering dystonia-related resources for my web site last night. I guess it took a bit longer than I realized, because the phone rang and it was our home line. So, I answered and no one was there. So, I tried to finish up what I was doing, but I wasn’t quite fast enough, because the phone rang again, and I answered and no one was there.
So, at that point, I realized I needed to just stop. So, I did. And I went downstairs and watched TV with this man.
Here’s your awesome quotation:
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
– Phyllis Diller