Just Keep Laughing (Updated)

Best comeback ever. Ha!

No question about it. The Dude is awesome. And he is so right. Because who knows what the truth is. We only know what we know. Even the great Hunter S. Thompson said that the only real objective newspaper reporting was in the sports stats and stock exchange numbers. Or something to that effect.

Well, since I’m too gimpy to write a long-winded opinion, I’ll keep this short.

If you click here and read and click the proper links and think about it, you’ll get some idea why it was a revelation.

In case you need a little help, I’ll remind you …

Little Miss Curlers

In this post, none other than Little Miss Curlers says “I love you all very much.”

And where have I heard that before …?

To quote myself:

Did you all know that Naomi loves you?

Well, so did this guy …

You remember, right? Big Brother loves you. It’s a line from this book …

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. Are you nuts? No, think about it. I’m going through a re-branding right now, so I know. And I’m a freaking gimp who can barely type this post. Honest!

So … if you read between the lines and think about it, you’ll get it.

To quote myself:

So … moving, right? Persuasive? Sure. But did that Web site just happen? No … someone had to write the copy. Someone had to take the photos. Someone had to design it.

Just because something is written doesn’t make it true, does it? And just because you see it depicted in handwriting on a (fake) sheet of paper with a cute girl behind it, that doesn’t mean she wrote it, does it?

This site is, in fact, very well planned and organized. It’s intended to persuade you to do something. The question is, who is the real force behind this site? Who are the organizers? Because this site didn’t “just happen.” And neither did Occupy Wall Street. Not in this blogger’s opinion.

I’m not saying the site is inaccurate (necessarily). All I’m saying is question all information and think for yourself. Consider the source, if you can identify it, and then decide for yourself.

I’m just sayin’. Because I’m a fiction writer, which means I tell lies for a living. And writers can be very clever liars. And on the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog.

But it was when I was watching The Princess Bride that I heard the lines that really nailed it.

Buttercup: You mock my pain.
Man in Black: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

That’s when I realized anyone who designs a blog and calls herself The Bloggess and pronounces herself “Like Mother Teresa, only better” must have huge balls.

Yeah, where have I heard that before? Ha ha ha …

Let’s keep it short and sweet, shall we?

To quote myself, yet again!

This case needs to be mediated.

Amazon has huge balls.

Etc., etc.

Is Big Brother watching?

Well, then, having said that, as Warner Wolf used to say, let’s go to the video or whatever! Ha ha ha …

Yeah, that bit at the 30 second mark about running from the spotlight. I cry bullshit! The Bloggess is like the woman hogging the microphone in Maureen Johnson’s manifesto. She uses Photoshop and probably fake conversations with Victor to amuse you into buying her stuff online.

Now, I realize my confusion was justified. I should have smelled a rat, but I hadn’t read between the lines. I realized I was the doofus. But I didn’t take into account that bloggers had been doing this for years before most authors. So, the vast majority of authors were doofuses, really.

Well, this is all in good fun, if you’re just selling cups and greeting cards. But when you try to pass it off as non-fiction … well, I hope those editors of hers are thinking about this. I’m just one gimpy ass blogger, and this just my opinion.

I happened to watch this episode of Star Trek: TNG last night. Isn’t that weird interesting?

Here’s one of the most awesome parts:

Lieutenant Worf: I believed her. I, I helped her. I did not see what she was.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Worf, villains who twirl their moustaches are easy to spot. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged.

Lieutenant Worf: [referring to Admiral Satie] I think… after yesterday, people will not be so ready to trust her.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Maybe. But she, or someone like her, will always be with us, waiting for the right climate in which to flourish, spreading fear in the name of righteousness. Vigilance, Mister Worf – that is the price we have to continually pay.

So … here’s the bottom line. I could cry a million tears for my lost health, and the fact that I’ll probably never get it back. But I’m not going to give up.

I told my husband, frankly, I don’t know if I have it in me to keep writing novels and screenplays. Not with a hand this gimpy. Not when I want to live, while I can.

Can I keep writing novels? Will you support my mystery series? If not, I’ll write and publish the four books and then see how I feel.

I am more than just a mystery an ebook an author. I’m a writer. A woman in her own write, if you will. Ha ha ha …

I was just thinking last night, before I went to bed, about a possible screenplay idea. Something awesome that messes with narrative structure and would have a twist no one would see coming. I hope. Ha ha ha …

This could be me writing screenplays, if I looked like her and used a typewriter.

I was bitten by the bug, long ago.

In fact, here’s something I wrote when I was 17 for my creative writing class. It’s a short story called Grasshopper Joe Rides Again. It explains a lot, doesn’t it? Ha ha ha …

Believe me when I say that I don’t believe in God. I do believe there might be cosmic producers fucking with us for their amusement. We need to keep laughing back at them, to keep from going nuts.

Here’s another thing I wrote, while I was the opinion page editor on the Citizen Call at U. Md.

AssassinationEditorial04-11-81

Sound familiar?

Again????

This is me … years and years ago.

Yeah … my dead friend, Bill, took that photo. That’s a Plymouth Sport Fury with a push button transmission. I was just happy to have a car that ran. When it ran. Ha ha ha …

Bite me, everyone!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ….

I’m going to drag my gimpy ass on a plane and meet Scott and Mary Clevenger and Chris Vosberg, if it’s the last fucking thing I do. Because then they’ll know, I’m for real and not bullshitting them, like Miss Curlers and half the world. Ha ha ha …

Thank you for everything, you guys!

And given the nature of this post, it seems most fitting to embed this! Ha!

File it under “Need any snake oil?” Or whatever. Ha ha ha ha ha …

And as for Miss Daisy whoever you are who keeps emailing me and thinks we can be friends, well … I don’t think so …

I’ve pinned this on Pinterest under Random Crap just for people like you.

Oh, here’s another good one!

BTW, under Words to Live By, I’ve pinned all sorts of awesome shit.

And thank you, Nathan Fillion. You are really awesome!

Someone had to say “No! I refuse to pick up things for you, little girl. I’m only human. Now, would you please give it rest leave me alone just knock it off, already.”

Look what Nathan picked up! Ha ha ha …

Nathan Fillion (without twine)

And thanks, Steve Pryor for all your help with Final Draft!

Perhaps, someday we’ll all meet in Hollywood …

I can’t make predictions, and I don’t believe in them. I believe in hard work and doing the right thing.

Finally, thank you, Paul!

I don’t know if I’ll ever finish those memoirs, but I’ll put something together in a special section of my new website. A memoirs section. It won’t have taxidermied animals and raccoons in the bathtub, but it will have me going to visit my mom at the insane asylum. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Ha ha ha …

Almost as much fun as this movie! Pin this. Ha!

And from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar, let’s conclude with this awesome quote and video:

“Fiction is Truth’s elder sister. Obviously. No one in the world knew what truth was till some one had told a story.”

Rudyard Kipling, 30 December 1865 – 18 January 1936

PS: Karma is a bitch, Jenny, isn’t it?

First, it’s a piece of string … next thing you know, she’ll be wanting someone’s toe … ha ha ha …

Lock and load …

… deliver!

Gotcha!!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha …..!!!!

The Dude abides, man … except, I’ve dropped the twine …

I’d like my holy Doctor Who book back!

UPDATE: I totally forgot to include these links of possible interest.

Dave Barry’s year in review 2012. Frankly, I lost interest when I reached January. Ha ha ha …

Just so I’m agonizingly clear, I don’t want to actually kill anyone. Really!

The world isn’t ending tomorrow. Now what?

Why do we stare?

This makes me proud to live in Maryland!

This made me laugh!

I’m just a human being. I am not a brand. I am not a number.

This blog is about my journey as a writer with dystonia. As a writer, I would like to continue to blog about whatever here, including my stories.

Eventually, this blog will be incorporated into a website with many features, like a TARDIS has rooms.

But I won’t be calling myself The Amazing Gimp with the slogan “Like the Dalai Lama, only better.” I’d have to have HUGE fucking balls to do that. No fucking way.

I’m just Debbi Mack, hardboiled mystery and young adult fiction author, aspiring screenwriter/indie film producer, blue collar writer, happy fool, recovering attorney, stroke survivor with dystonia, loves film, books, music, travel and cats.

So … here’s to not kidding yourself, anymore.

I’m choosing to be happy. And I’m going to live!