Weird Thanksgiving Holiday Thoughts (Updated)

Warning: This isn’t a traditional Thanksgiving post. It isn’t that awful, but it’s weird, so deal with it, okay? There’s a funny part at the end. Promise!

I suppose I should explain that I deal with death every day. It’s like an eternal chess game. Who’s going to win? Am I going to choose to live today or allow myself to die?

As you may or may not have figured out from reading this, I’m not only fighting for my life as a person, but I’m fighting for my life as an author.

Well, I feel truly blessed. I’m truly blessed, because I have a husband who loves me and we took an awesome trip to Ireland and the UK this year.

Smile for the camera!

Awww …

Aren’t we awesome?

At THE Brentwood Library!

And I got to see my funny sister and brother-in-law this year.

Me, my funny sister and her rubber chickens.

I also made new friends in Ireland and England! All through the magic of the Internet.

Me and Caren Kennedy in Dublin, Ireland.

Paul, Trevor, and me at Cafe Nero in Brentwood, England.

I’m sorry, I can’t pretend that death is like this.

In order to live in a body that’s a torture chamber, you have to choose to be happy or go nuts.

It’s that or die.

So … I have to be a happy fool.

That’s why I don’t give a damn about toothpaste smears on my PJs or my hair when I met the awesome Bloggess!

Me and the Awesome Bloggess (in crappy lighting).

And I’ve finished the first chapter of DEEP SIX. Yippee! Damn, I fought for those words. Some of them were already written. They just needed punishing polishing revising or whatever.

And I worked more on my Sisters in Crime presentation. Want to see the shitty outline, so far? Well, here it comes.

Introduce myself, explain my series, the NYTimes list, etc.

Never intended to make a career as a self-published author. My first novel was published by small press in 2005, but went out of print 9 months later when the publisher went under.

Shortly before the novel went out of print, I suffered a stroke and developed a rare movement disorder called dystonia.

Despite these setbacks, I kept writing freelance and fiction.

I decided to start a blog to establish an online presence. This eventually led to my starting three other blogs.

I submitted my work to agents and small presses, and kept doing so after I decided to bring my first novel back into print through Lulu.com. That’s when I started my fifth blog, My Life on the Mid-List.

Around the time I got ready to publish through Lulu, I read about publishing ebooks for Kindle on Joe Konrath’s and Lee Goldberg’s blogs. I decided to do so.

I started off pricing my ebooks at $1.59, but dropped the price to $.99 to see if it would help sales. My sales shot through the roof. Naturally, they would compared to the prices charged by publishers, which were unreasonably high. And who wouldn’t try something new, if it was cheap? I was selling myself short, in the hopes of gaining greater exposure. I knew this wasn’t a sustainable business practice, but I hoped that I could come away with something to show for it.

When the New York Times announced it was going to include indie authors on its bestseller list, I kept my prices low and hoped, despite the scoffing of someone who won’t be named. When I actually hit the list, I couldn’t believe it. The whole experience seemed surreal, yet when I contacted local papers with press releases about the news, no one cared.

Here’s what it boils down to: the only reason I made the NY Times list was that I sold a whole lot of downloads cheap for Kindle and Nook. I get 4 and 5 star reviews, so I write the best books I can. I don’t pay for reviews. But I hit the market at the right time, too.

Early this year, I took  a seminar on filmmaking, in which I learned about crowdfunding. I read about how other creative projects were being funded in this manner, so I decided to try doing so with my books.

There are examples of success stories, i.e., other writers who’ve funded books or series this way.

The power of the Internet was made clear to me when I reached a reader in England through blogging.

Amazon has used the publishing business’ bad business practices against it to take over. It’s obviously trying to become the one and only publisher, i.e., the ultimate gatekeeper.

See why I have so much respect for The Bloggess? She’s earned her stripes as a blogger and an author and then some, even if we perceive death differently. Reasonable minds can disagree. It’s called mutual empathy and respect.

And do you see why I might ask this question?

Is this man the Devil?

Thank you, Mary C for your comment here. “No pretending required!” Awesome.

Thank you to all at World O’ Crap! Scott C and Chris V and everyone. Joanna, too! Bless you.

And, of course, the reader in England, is more than a reader, but is a true friend. Bless you, Paul.

Me and my friend, Paul.

I’m not even religious, and I’m saying these things. I’m so tortured gimpy happy.

And here’s some more shit I managed to pin. There! I’m just getting started. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. But I’ll pretend I do and see what happens, I guess. Ha ha ha  …

Here are some interesting links:

5 habits you must ditch to be happy. I hope my husband reads this.

The easiest way to get through hard times.

Use social media to grow your business. Which blog am I on? Ha ha ha …

Blogging is all about the content.

Films dispense with storytelling convention.

And film is where art meets commerce.

And they pay for content in Hollywood, unlike some places I could name.

So, can a tortured gimpy author actually write novels and screenplays?

Pretend this me, screenwriting.

I’m getting older, and I’m constantly tortured, so how long can I keep laughing back at the cosmos much shit can I eat long before I die screaming?

So awesome! From The Bloggess, of course.

Thank you, Bill Gagliani for doing “The Next Big Thing”!

Think before you post anything on social media. Really!

Now, from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar, a quote that seems to sum up the tragedy of the cosmic jokes of war.

“The wrongs which we seek to condemn and punish have been so calculated, so malignant, and so devastating, that civilization cannot tolerate their being ignored, because it cannot survive their being repeated. That four great nations, flushed with victory and stung with injury stay the hand of vengeance and voluntarily submit their captive enemies to the judgment of the law is one of the most significant tributes that Power has ever paid to Reason.”

Robert H. Jackson, Chief US Prosecutor, Nuremberg Trials.

The World at War Theme

That’s not the funny part. Here’s the funny part.

We watched this episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show last night. It was one of my favorites, and it made me laugh so hard, my husband had to turn up the volume to hear the show. And I kept laughing so much, I nearly forgot I was being tortured. The show was called “Put on a Happy Face”, but YouTube is an asshole and doesn’t have it. It does have the end, however.

But that’s not all! I found this and it’s totally awesome. Believe me!

To those who celebrate, happy Thanksgiving! See you on Monday!

UPDATE: Under the circumstances, this quote from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar was way too weird crazy hilarious awesome not to include.

“I am of the firm belief that everybody could write books and I never understand why they don’t. After all, everyone speaks. Once the grammar has been learnt it is simply talking on paper and in time learning what not to say.”

Beryl Bainbridge, 21 November 1932 – 2 July 2010

Sing it, Dr. John.