Top 10 Funniest Blogs of All Time!!!

Okay, I lied. I have no idea if these are actually the funniest blogs of all time. I couldn’t, because it would require me to read every blog ever written. And trying to read all that senseless drivel those other blogs would be just plain nuts. These are blogs I just happen to know about that I happen to think are funny.

And let’s face it–I figured with a headline like “Top 10 Funniest Blogs of All Time!!!” you’d probably pick this up in an online search. And you’d be inclined to read it. (Was I right or what?)

Okay, now that’s out of the way, here’s the list. Oh, and BTW–even though I’m listing them in reverse numbered order like Letterman, I don’t really know if these are strictly listed in order of funniness. Maybe roughly in order of funniness, but just . . . roughly, okay? I mean what’s funny, anyway? Doesn’t it kind of depend on your mood that day? Can one blog that’s incredibly funny one day go over like a lead balloon the next? And what about . . . wait a minute. This is turning into a philosophical discussion. Oh, the hell with it. Here’s the list:

#10

Stuff White People Like

Okay, this one’s kind of a gimme. It’s achieved a bit of notoriety in the blog world, as the site that makes fun of white, hipster types with their trendy interests, their rugby shirts, their love of Bob Marley, their Moleskin notebooks, etc., etc. It’s funny and all, but can someone please explain to me why someone would buy a book based on a blog?

#9

Blog to be named later.

#8

Reader’s choice.

#7

Whatever.

(Okay. I lied twice. Really, I only have seven blogs on this list. Plus an honorable mention. But people don’t write Top 7 Lists, do they? So, with that understood, here’s the rest.)

#6

Screw You! (The Irreverent Freelancer)

I simply must include this, even though it will probably tickle the funny bones of more freelancers than other people, because some of the examples Kathy Kehrli provides of actual work being advertised is so sad and pathetic, it’s funny (in a sad and pathetic way). I mean, take a look at her “Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Requests” for each week and tell me anyone could survive on slave wages like these. (And I’m not just including this blog because of my contribution to it. Really! Though I must say I’m proud to be a part of it. To point to yet another example of freelancer abuse. To take a small step toward righting wrongs in the profession. To do the right thing, to . . . Jesus, listen to yourself, Debbi. Shut up, already. Okay. Keep going.)

#5

The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks

Not only do you have to love these examples of “creative” misuse (like mine just then) of quotation marks, but Bethany Keeley’s commentary on them invariably invokes a smirk, a smile, a chuckle or even a guffaw. At least from this reader. It’s well worth a daily look. And who would’ve thought that quotations marks could be so widely misused? That, in itself, is pretty funny. Sad and pathetic funny, again–I seem to go for that don’t I? Well, here’s something completely different.

#4

The Heavy Metal Librarian

Here’s where we get down and dirty. Here’s where the list goes nuts a bit. Because when Aaron’s not ranting hilariously about right-wing assholes (the butt–no pun intended–of much great humor, IMHO), he’s often got a clip or two of a truly bizarre nature. Like this cheese rolling thing–I mean WTF? Who comes up with this shit? Amazing. He’s irreverent, he’s liberal (and damn proud of it), he’s into heavy metal music. What’s not to like? Oh, and he’s also a librarian. Extra points, dude.

#3

The Anti DC

Maybe it’s just because I’ve lived around this shithole the Nation’s Capital for so long, but I totally appreciate this blog. I’d like to think it’s funny for many reasons. You don’t have to live in DC to like it. I think people anywhere will find this blog funny. Try to imagine Marissa Payne, a woman whose life is made up of crazy experiences a la David Sedaris (without the dysfunctional family–at least, I’ve seen no mention of one yet) trapped inside some kind of Kafka-esque loop in which she often escapes from DC, yet repeatedly returns. Why does she keep coming back? Is it for the stories? Is she a masochist? Is it a strange love/hate relationship with the Chocolate City? (Yeah, I know the term “Chocolate City” is antiquated, but then so am I.) I’m voting for the last reason, but I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter–I just know that it’s damn funny stuff. Laugh out loud funny. So funny it hurts. Take it from someone who’s lived in the DC area for years and years and years and years, there is some major funny, harsh truth written here. (But one question: how the hell did she manage to live in DC selling dildos for $2.37 an hour?)

#2

(and in the event that #1 is disqualified or otherwise unable to serve as the #1 funniest blog of all time (or at least the funniest I know about), this blog will be ready to stand in its stead) (here it is)

The Prison Diary of Ram Venkatararam (formerly The Food Here Convenience Store)

What can I say about this blog? I started reading it back when it was The Food Here Convenience Store, and it struck me as nothing less than a brilliant satire on modern day mores, social commentary tinged with a fine sense of irony. I looked forward every day to reading about Ram’s increasingly bizarre customers, employees and associates, not to mention the increasingly bizarre events Ram would stage to draw more business (having his clerk do an Evel Knievel on a tricycle over a shark tank was probably the topper) and what new stunts he’d pull himself (going homeless for a week or so was interesting). When it came to biting humor and merciless depictions of modern (so-called) culture, I’m not sure Voltaire could have blogged it better than the man who saw it all from behind The Food Here counter.

But now Ram’s in prison (long story), where he’s turning his rapier-like wit toward the foibles and failings of the penal system. His stories are still funny, his companions still bizarre (he shares a cell with a guy named Mad Dog with whom he’s reached certain understandings–which is to say, he sleeps on the top bunk despite his aversion to heights and keeps a safe distance from Mad Dog to avoid being beaten senseless). I’ve gone on way too long, it’s just a funny blog. Believe me. Read it. You’ll see.

And, finally, the #1 Funniest Blog of All Time (That I Happen to Know About)

The Problem with Young People Today Is . . .

Now this is just the flat-out funniest blog I’ve ever been privileged to read. It never fails to make me laugh. And when I say laugh, I mean it almost never fails to make me double over laughing. And it just keeps getting funnier as you read it, until (when it’s at its best) you’re laughing so hard you’re gasping for breath, possibly with a tear or two in your eyes. I’m talking spit-take funny here, so don’t drink coffee while you read it. Again, this blog really nails modern society and youth culture on its spoiled little head. This guy’s rants are priceless. I won’t even bother to say more. Just read the thing. I dare you to do it without laughing or at least cracking a smile. (Oh, and Ram, you are actually writing this, aren’t you?)

And the honorable mention? That goes to Fafblog. It’s funny, but mainly it’s just so frackin’ strange.

Dystonia–I Swear I’m Not Making This Up!

You know it’s bad enough having a movement disorder no one’s ever heard of–and not only suffering real problems that others perceive as being the complaints of a whiner and malingerer, as well as having to explain over and over and OVER what dystonia IS to people–but then having to read crap like this article, “It’s All in Your Head,” (the headline says it all) on top of everything else–well, I’ve just about reached my limit. (Psychogenic movement disorder? Please . . . give me a frackin’ break here, okay?)

You know it’s pathetic when someone writes that she’s happy to have MS just because people believe it’s real. Plus this woman talks about good days and bad days. Having a “flare” in symptoms. With dystonia, there’s no “flare”–the symptoms don’t come and go, they come and come.

And my dystonia came after a stroke–causing a physical change in my brain–so don’t tell me it’s psychogenic.

There may be cases of “psychogenic movement disorder” (just like there are other psychosomatic diseases), but I’d hate to see that label attached to most dystonia patients.

So please, please don’t use this as an excuse to dismiss our complaints. And don’t assume that we’re all head cases (bad pun–ouch). This disorder needs to be taken seriously and cured as soon as possible.

Got it? Good. Now, let’s hear no more about this, or I may be forced to go out and kick some serious doctor ass.

Rant over.

RIP Ed McMahon

Yesterday, a legendary second banana died. Ed McMahon was best known as Johnny Carson’s sidekick. The one who would laugh at Johnny’s jokes, even if they fell flat as a pancake under a steam roller (which they never really did, because Ed was always there to laugh at them).

Ginger Rogers once said, “There are no small parts. Only small actors.” Ed McMahon played no small part in Carson’s success.

Besides, without Ed we wouldn’t have the phrase, “Heeeeeeeeere’s Johnny!,”

Or his trademark call, captured in the video below.

(Video courtesy of the Heavy Metal Librarian.)

Thank you and good night, folks.

Some Thoughts About Progress

John Steele Gordon puts our rapidly changing technology into perspective with this interesting blog post that leads off with the news that Kodachrome is fading away.

It is pretty amazing, even thinking about what my grandparents saw in their lifetimes.They were born around the turn of the 20th century. So they got to see automobiles, planes, radio, television and refrigerators created (along with the other things on Gordon’s list).

But invention does have a tendency to cut both ways, doesn’t it? All this instant communication, for instance–it’s nice to have the information superhighway at your fingertips. But sometimes it goes from blessing to curse. You can suffer information overload. And things like social networking, Twitter and blogging (yes, blogging) can become a time suck, if you don’t set limits on it.

On the other hand, we’ve made stellar progress in the sciences and other technologies–astronomy, space travel and medical treatment, to name just a few. Does it make it that much more ironic that we’ve progressed in the ways of war (with the creation of the atom bomb, smart bombs, etc.), as well?

And cloning? Well, don’t even get me started . . .

What I don’t get is, if they can put a man on the moon, why can’t they cure dystonia? Okay, I know that’s just because it affects me. But if you’re suffering from something incurable or just a horrible condition, feel free to substitute your ailment for mine in the first sentence to this paragraph.

And imagine the things we won’t be seeing in our lifetimes. The question is, will we be missing out or lucking out?

Big Cities Taking Steps to Reduce Global Warming

Much has been written about various cities in the U.S. trying to reduce carbon emissions. Many of them have tried to achieve this aim by enacting different ordinances. Providing tax credits for homeowners taking energy saving measures, for instance. Penalizing excessive energy use. Or supporting the use of alternative energy sources. That kind of thing.

Large cities tend to produce a lot of greenhouse gases, but are also great from a sustainable living standpoint. So it’s good to see a place like New York City embracing wind power as an alternative energy source by placing wind turbines atop its tall buildings. (The article notes: “The Department of Energy had a very small high-altitude wind program, which produced some of the first good data about the qualities of the wind up there, but it got axed as energy prices dropped in the 1980s and Reagan-era DOE officials directed funds elsewhere.” Oh, yeah–I remember that. I think they’re called the bad old days?)

In Europe, certain large cities are getting in on this, too. Since large cities tend support sustainable living models better than suburban and rural areas, they are taking it to the next level and trying to reduce their carbon outputs.

According to this article, “Low carbon options for cities include planning efficient city structures, controlling urban sprawl, developing efficient public transport, and increasing the production and use of renewable energy. It is also essential that local and regional governments adopt more ambitious local and regional targets to bring down CO₂ levels.”

My this sounds familiar. I feel like I’ve heard it before.

Europe has taken a fairly active stance on some environmental issues. For instance, the European Union requires all chemical companies to register their products and fully disclose all ingredients with requisite proper safety testing. Something we haven’t been able to achieve here in the States as you can see from this article published last month about the Toxic Substances Control Act.

So, who knows? Maybe Europe can lead the way in municipal carbon emissions reduction, too?

Who’s Reading Your Email?

I wish I could say this surprises me, but unfortunately . . .

It seems that the National Security Agency has been exceeding its authority a wee bit in reading large numbers of domestic emails without a warrant.

The matter of NSA’s “overcollection” (I love that term–great euphemism) is reportedly being handled by the current administration.

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling real secure.

Oh, and if you’re reading–Hi, NSA people!

A Moving Depiction of Dystonia

I’d like to take this opportunity to share with you, a slide show about what it’s like to live with dystonia. It was made by and features Jenn Marie who goes by the handle promogurl on Twitter. That’s where we first “met,” before we actually bumped into each other at the hotel before Dystonia Advocacy Day. I thought it was a fascinating real-life example of how Twitter can bring people together, even before they’ve seen each other.

Well, anyway, you can see the slide show by clicking on “View All Images.” It’ll give you some idea of what it’s like . . .

Tyler’s Hope: CNN Discovers Dystonia!

Dystonia is certainly making the rounds these days. Not only was it featured on Oprah, the Today Show (twice!) and Dateline, but this clip comes to you from no less an authority than CNN.

Plus I found this clip on YouTube from a local newscast:

With all this attention, you’d think more people should be aware of this disorder now. The thing about problems like rare disorders is that it takes repeat viewings and reminders to really raise public awareness of them. It’s like advertising–you can’t run an ad just once and expect everyone to simply run out and buy your product. You have to keep reminding people, over and over–that’s why you never see the most effective ads just once.

The same with dystonia. It’s up to those of us who have it to keep repeating the following message: Dystonia is a rare, but serious movement disorder for which we absolutely need to find a cure.

So if you’re reading this, please feel free to share it any way possible. Please Digg it, Reddick it, StumbleUpon it or use any other means at your disposal to let people know about it. Link it to your blog. Whatever.

And if you’re reading this because you found the link on Twitter, please retweet it.

Keep spreading the word about this. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat . . .

Act Now! – The Ultimate Climate Change Video?

Okay, I don’t know if this really, as this post describes it, “the ultimate video to show to the Climate Change and Global Warming sceptics in your life,” but it’s very Hollywood in its production values with a moving score and even an “aw shucks” child narrator.

And, of course, there’s also the evil old guy in the suit . . .

Got Hazardous Waste? Just Burn It

Well, if it weren’t bad enough that we have a war in Iraq, now it turns out that the Houston-based company KBR and its former parent Halliburton have been burning hazardous waste in open pits for the U.S. military.

We’re talking about everything from batteries to pesticide containers to medical waste and even human body parts. (Jeez!)

This has allegedly led to all sorts of health problems for soldiers, contractors and civilians working near the burn pits. And they’re not taking it lying down.

Many of them have filed a series of class-action lawsuits against the companies, claiming “the smoke from the pits—which at times was so heavy it reduced visibility to only a few yards and filled soldiers’ living quarters—contained toxic chemicals that have left them with severe respiratory problems, chronic infections and even cancer.”

Read here about the burning practices, the injuries alleged and details about the various lawsuits (and be forewarned, some of it’s pretty disgusting).

And check out the bottom paragraph–KBR has other serious legal problems.

And, once again, let’s hear it for good old George W. Bush, his pal Dick Cheney and that great company called Halliburton. Even though they’re claiming they shouldn’t be named in these suits at all, because they sold KBR off in April 2007, which simply means timing is an important factor here.