Talking and Chewing Gum

You know how there’s a big push to require cell phone calls while driving to be made “hands free,” the theory being that having to hold the phone and talk while driving is causing accidents. (You can dispute that, if you like, but you can’t dispute that the practice distracts the driver and leads to some bone-headed maneuvering behind the wheel.)

Well, now they’re finding that it’s just as distracting to have phone conversations on “hands free” devices and it’s just as likely to lead to accidents.

It all comes down to this: 1) our incessant need to stay in constant communication with one another and 2) our ludicrous obsession with multi-tasking. People, puh-LEEEEZE! Put down your phones and concentrate on your driving. As inconceivable as it sounds, business was done once upon a time without cell phones. And doing two or three things at once is NOT more productive–it just creates more poor quality work.

Having One’s Mind on the Gutter

An interesting editorial in today’s LA Times about why dirty jokes are funny. It goes into a rather comprehensive (for its compact word count) discussion of dirty jokes and various theories about them.

I enjoyed the editorial’s various insights–not to mention several of the jokes. The one about Clinton made me laugh, so I’m going straight to Hell with the author on that one. Plus the comparison of the ocelot joke (“How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tits a lot.”) with the one about frontal lobotomy (“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”) really showed how one wordplay joke can be just dumb and the other clever.

But I especially loved the W.C. Fields (probably apocryphal) anecdote. When asked, “Do you believe in clubs for small children?” he replied, “Only when kindness fails.”

ADDENDUM: I meant to mention (but it slipped my dirty mind) that a whole book on the subject (maybe even two–I could have sworn there was one on “potty” jokes, in particular, but I can’t seem to find it on Amazon) was written years ago. It’s called RATIONALE OF THE DIRTY JOKE by G. Legman (a dirty mind could find material in that last name, eh?) and a good friend from high school told me about it long ago, back in the day. (He also got me hooked on Hunter S. Thompson. Clearly, my friend was a subversive influence of the highest and best order.)

And Justice for Some

Justice Department investigators have found that “scores” of well-qualified attorney applicants have been denied interviews for positions with the agency “because of an illegal screening process that took political and ideological views and affiliations into account rather than merit.”

I’m shocked–shocked!–to find there’s political favoritism going on in there!

Bruce J. Einhorn, a retired federal judge and Pepperdine University law professor, wrote of the matter in an LA Times column:

“Not since Watergate and the reign of Republican Atty. Gen. (and later federal felon and prisoner) John Mitchell has the integrity of the Department of Justice been placed in such jeopardy. For those men and women of quality and character who have been hired on their merits and who have struggled through the thicket placed in the way of doing their duty as America’s attorneys, these must be times that truly try their souls.” (italics mine)

Uh, dude–please tell me you’re not just now figuring this out.

Movies that Move People (Sometimes Out of the Theater)

I wasn’t planning to see this movie and was a bit put off by the appearance of Wall-E during the Celtics-Lakers games (how drearily LA is that? now, we’re watching for animated celebrities at the play-offs . . .), but this review makes the movie Wall-E sound a lot more interesting than I had imagined.

Meanwhile, one of my old favorite sit-coms, Get Smart, has been rehashed into what many (including screenwriter-producer Lee Goldberg) are reporting to be a really lame movie. Not that I’m surprised, but given that (in Goldberg’s words) “[t]hey even screwed up the ‘Would you believe’ and ‘missed it by that much’ jokes,” well . . . that’s just sad and inexcusable.

There are a lot of really great movies out there and many extraordinarily bad ones, as well. It would be fun (and difficult) to put together a list of my very favorite films . . . and my very least favorite. A project for a future date.

Final Thoughts on Carlin

I can’t seem to avoid finding great writings about George Carlin. This one from the LA Times talks about someone who knew a side of Carlin the rest of us didn’t see. (Not a bad side–just another aspect of his work.)

And here is a post from the blog A Wasted Word is a Wasted Day on “What George Carlin Has To Do with Censorship as it Applies to Writers.” And I especially like the conclusion.

For my own part, I must admit I will not only remember Carlin for the “Seven Dirty Words” and his many HBO specials. I’ll never forget the first time I ever heard him. He did “The 11 O’ Clock News” on (get ready for this) a record. And it was a 45-rpm record! (I’m sooo dating myself here.) And the highlight of the skit was, of course, Al Sleet, the hippie-dippy weatherman. After informing listeners that a Canadian low would be moving in (“which is not to be confused with a Mexican high,” he added, in a knowing tone), he said, “Tonight’s forecast–dark. . . . Continuing mostly dark tonight, followed by widely-scattered light in the morning.” (The skit was also part of an album, “FM & AM.”)

Now, this was Carlin at a slightly less fractious, more counter-culture-ish phase of his career. And he was great then and improved with age.

Got Religion? Keep it to Yourself

Well, well . . . no less-esteemed a source than the NY Times informs us that, although most “Americans say religion is very important to them, nearly three-quarters of them say they believe that many faiths besides their own can lead to salvation.”

That’s so sweet. I wonder if it’s true. What people say they believe and what they do believe can offer differ dramatically.

Anyhow, if I have to pick a place with great attitude about religion, I’ll go with California where (survey says) residents “do not pray as much as people in other parts of the country. They are less inclined to take scripture literally. And they are likelier to embrace ‘more than one true way’ of interpreting their religious teachings.”

Okay, so it’s another survey and maybe the respondents were a pack of liars, too. But any state where the Dude lives has to be the right place from a religious standpoint. Am I right? Am I right?

BTW, is there a Ralph’s around here?

And the Mourning for George Carlin Continues . . .

In a blog post on SemiConscious Dot Org that includes favorite video clips and an appraisal of his work in the NY Times.

George Carlin RIP

It had to happen eventually, but I’m still sad to see the creator of the “Seven Dirty Words” routine shuffle off this mortal coil. Some video of Carlin is included with the LA Times article.

Well, now Lenny Bruce and Richard Pryor have someone to hang out with in the afterlife (video of Lenny Bruce can be found here).

Addendum: Some examples of these comics “on the edge” and how far out they were willing to go.

Lenny Bruce

Clearly, way before the Michael Richards flap. And with a completely different intent.

Richard Pryor

Another take on the N-word.

George Carlin

One of his favorite targets.

Guantanamo Decision

It’s reassuring (if barely) to see that the U.S. Supreme Court decided (barely–the vote was 5-4) that the Guantanamo detainees have some right to know exactly why they’re being held as prisoners. Despite Justice Scalia’s attempts to  imitate Fox News in his fear-mongering dissent (which my sister summed up as “C’mon! You’re ruining everything!”), it’s nice to know that calmer, more rational and more constitutionally-conscious heads prevailed in the final analysis–barely.

Going on Vacation–But Not Golfing

I’m heading off for what I consider to be a well-deserved break, but I’ll be back after June 21.

Meanwhile, consider this news about the link between pesticides and diabetes the next time you go golfing.

Me–I’ll stick with miniature golf, thanks.